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Ya it’s Saturday. But I’m just happy that I finally am able to write at all. It’s obvious I haven’t been on here for awhile and there are plenty of good reasons why. If you are interested in what has been going on you can check it out on my shop blog here.  I just really don’t feel like writing that all up again. And also I don’t want to relive some of those feelings I had while writing it.
So now it’s time to do this confession thing.  It will be pretty random, but that’s just who I am.
♥   I can tell that I’ve been struggling hard care lately with the lack of blogging. It has also affected me in pretty much everything else.
♥   I really hate going to funerals. But at the same time I feel that it refreshes me to not take things for granted and to live each day as if it was your last.
♥   Because of this I’m determined to some things I’ve been wanting to do. Just because I want to. Like learning new languages.
♥   My plans are to study Spanish, French, and Italian.
♥   I know very random, but I have my reasons.
♥   I have also been reevaluating bigger things in my life. Like to not worry about what others thing so much anymore. I won’t lie, I hate making enemies. But sometimes no matter how much you try to make things right or how nice and giving you try to to be, sometimes those people are just plain dicks and don’t deserve YOUR friendship anyway. So really, quit forcing it. Move on to people that do care and focus on making every moment count with them instead. 
♥   Regarding my last comment, I am VERY thankful for the people that I do talk to. Everyday. You mean the world to me. I love you I love you I love you. You make everything run so much smoother and have this charm that always seems to make me smile. YOU ARE AMAZING.
♥  Also I’ve had to make some very big decisions to cut certain people out of my life.  It was difficult. If I am going to try and have a happy life, I can’t have their negativity poisoning every moment.  I can’t have them twist my every word into something bad when really it’s not like that, but they refuse to listen. I can only try so much. I can only give so much to you before I can tell it’s taking a toll on MY family life.  
♥   It’s really hard to be motivated to do anything when you have two major events happen in a row. I know that I will bounce back and I’m hoping that it will kick in soon. I can tell that in ways I’m trying to fake certain feelings, but really…….it will only get me so far.
♥   I have a lot of major changes I need to make in my life, but I’m a little overwhelmed where to start.
I can’t promise right now that I’ll be better at blogging. I’m still grieving in ways of losing two people so close together. One through cancer and one because differences in opinions has torn us apart. I think in ways I’m still in shock and numb, but I know that today I am better than where I was last week. And I know next week I’ll be better than I am today. I have a wonderful opportunity that I’m hoping will happen. And if I do I will for sure be sharing the good news. This will probably be the best news I’ve had all year.
Regarding my ankle issue, it looks like I WON’T be getting surgery. I have nerve damage that we are trying to work on in other ways. I’m also going to physical therapy and that seems to be helping. Even though I’ve only been twice.
Now it’s time to start my day. And to find the motivation to get me off of this incredibly comfy couch. Every time I try to get up it seems to suck me back in. (But then I remember I have some shopping to do and it seems to make everything easier) 😉

Goodbye for now. I hope you have a great weekend.

xo

When your a kid, you always think about being older because you think that when you are older, you have it all. Then as you get into your teens, you are torn from wanting to be a kid and wanting to be an adult. Then when you are finally an adult, you realize the responsibilities you have and wish that you were a kid again. I am 27. Honestly, I am excited to get into my 30’s. In some ways it scares me, but in others, I’m excited to progress. My soul feels older than my real age anyway.
As a kid, I went through more then what a lot of my friends have. But I did have some other friends that have been through more than me. But still, it was a difficult time because I felt that I had no direction. Family life was pretty tough. For me it was difficult to handle. My father decided to take his own life when I was 11. That made me into an adult in many ways, because I was forced to understand something that kids should not have to understand at that age. It wasn’t easy and anyone who really knows me knows what kind of toll that took on my growing up.
In my teens, I was the type where I kept to myself in many ways. I wasn’t really into partying. I liked staying home and drawing. That was my getaway. I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone and it was a true and deep way to get my feelings out on paper. By this time, I had more deaths that I had to deal with and the majority of them was due to suicide. I had the most amazing friends and they never pushed the issue on me. Being in my teens was extremely difficult and I didn’t know what ways to turn. I know that every teen goes through that so knowing that I’m not the only one, is very comforting. Everyone goes through this. Decisions. What road to take.
There are some other things that happened in my teens years I would rather not talk about because it’s too much of a touchy subject and it’s not something I feel that I want to go into detail on here.
Finally. 20 hits. I’m an adult. I thought that getting into my 20’s would be so much easier than being a kid or my teens. Something had to go right. Well, in some ways it did and other ways it didn’t. I was married for about 6 years. That was the toughest time. But, it has made me stronger. I really hated being married. Yes, there were good times, but that is a time period I would not want to relive. The good thing about this was I ended up with 3 amazing children who are my world. Of all the pain, looking at them makes me honestly believe that it was worth it.
I guess thinking of things like this make me look forward to my 30’s. I know that things will not be perfect, and I’m ok with that. I think the main thing that I look forward to is that I am dating an amazing guy who makes me feel complete in so many ways. He loves me and my kids which obviously is a plus. I look forward spending my life with him and learning things from him everyday. I’m not happy with my ex and honestly, I still do have some negative feelings towards him, but I do hope that he can find someone that makes him as happy as my boyfriend makes me. Everyone deserves happiness. I hope that he straightens out because he has 3 kids that he is still responsible for. He still has a life to live. He has had a ton of potential that he has decided to waste, but I hope that one of these days, he can find that potential and use it for making a life for himself.

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A major geek who also has a love for all things pinup. Totally random, but wouldn't have it any other way.

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