Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Well, since I AM married, we will give this a twist…..

This is my 2nd marriage. Obviously my first ended very badly which caused going back in the single life.  My first I didn’t really imagine being with him. We were best friends growing up.  Stopped talking………then a few years later started up again.  I fell fast. And maybe it was because I was comfortable around him and THOUGHT it felt right.  Of course things changed fast AFTER we got married. (Yes, I should have seen the red flags before, but I was young and didn’t understand or fully realize.) I did what I felt was right at the time.

It’s sad because the whole time we were married I obviously struggled. I couldn’t understand WHY he didn’t want to be with me. Why drugs were so much more important than the kids and I. The friends. The lies. The abuse.  I punished myself so much and felt that I wasn’t worthy enough to have anything greater.

It wrecked me.

Finally, it took me to realize I AM BETTER THAN THIS. My kids and I deserve to have a good life. Even if we had to do it ourselves. We deserved  to feel safe. We deserved something greater.

Finally I made the decision to break free.

It was the toughest thing in my life because I felt that I could have done more. But really, I couldn’t. HE had to be the one to decide to change. And unfortunately after many ultimatums, it wasn’t going to happen.

I didn’t think I deserved much. Then it hit me. Why not? I’ve done what I can. I have a lot to offer. WHY don’t I deserve to be with someone as much as they want to be with me? Why can’t I have that? My family did. I did too.

After 6 years it came to an end.

I really started to re-evaluate who I date and who I wanted to be with. After a few bad dates I really stopped to think what I want.  And deserve.

I wanted someone who was funny, accepting of my children, who wanted to be with me and wasn’t always wanting to be with friends,  steady, responsible, HAD A JOB………someone who LOVED ME.

He came along.  I couldn’t believe it. He was brave enough to ask me out even though I had 3 kids.

And one of the first things that made me decide that I really liked him………..

My little one took off out the door and he chased him down the street for me.

I still giggle about it.

He came to my house to pick me up. (Swoon)

Doorbell rings.

My mom opens the door. (I was helping with kids.)

I walk to the door.

Micah flies past me gunning it outside.

Absolute horror on my face.

I started to run after him.

Nope.

He took over and ran to get Micah. (Swoon)

And…..the date was WONDERFUL.

No awkwardness. No Silence. We talked as if we knew each other forever.

IT. WAS. AWESOME.

Granted there have been times that it’s been really difficult, but really………

HE is what I saw myself marrying.

And I did.

 

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