This one I have to say is the toughest one on the list for the 30 day challenge. First because it’s a really personal issue for me and second……it was REALLY difficult for me to choose who made the biggest impact on me. There are a lot of people growing up that had positive and negative impacts on me, but still…………it didn’t seem big enough to write. And it’s not the most heartfelt thing you may expect. But it has influenced me a lot in my life. For the good and bad.

 

The biggest impact on me is my dad. He died when I was 11. He had severe depression and because of that, he made a choice that forever changed my life. I have good and bad memories about him. He was a great man in so many ways, but when I was born, apparently he was just “different” so I didn’t get to share all that greatness that he had. He was different with me. And I won’t lie, it’s hard when we have family gatherings and talk about him because my view of him is so different. Yes. I do love him. He was my first male influence and there were things that we shared that I absolutely cherish.

I always imagine what my life would be like if he was around still. Would it be better? Would it be worse? Would I have made better decisions if he was around? Or worse? Since he is gone, there isn’t much that I can do about it so I do what I can to make the most of it every day. It’s just strange that these last couple years have been hitting me the most. I can’t pinpoint why.

Either way, even though he is gone, I still love him. And I’m thankful that I was able to have him in my life at all.

 

Advertisements