When your a kid, you always think about being older because you think that when you are older, you have it all. Then as you get into your teens, you are torn from wanting to be a kid and wanting to be an adult. Then when you are finally an adult, you realize the responsibilities you have and wish that you were a kid again. I am 27. Honestly, I am excited to get into my 30’s. In some ways it scares me, but in others, I’m excited to progress. My soul feels older than my real age anyway.
As a kid, I went through more then what a lot of my friends have. But I did have some other friends that have been through more than me. But still, it was a difficult time because I felt that I had no direction. Family life was pretty tough. For me it was difficult to handle. My father decided to take his own life when I was 11. That made me into an adult in many ways, because I was forced to understand something that kids should not have to understand at that age. It wasn’t easy and anyone who really knows me knows what kind of toll that took on my growing up.
In my teens, I was the type where I kept to myself in many ways. I wasn’t really into partying. I liked staying home and drawing. That was my getaway. I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone and it was a true and deep way to get my feelings out on paper. By this time, I had more deaths that I had to deal with and the majority of them was due to suicide. I had the most amazing friends and they never pushed the issue on me. Being in my teens was extremely difficult and I didn’t know what ways to turn. I know that every teen goes through that so knowing that I’m not the only one, is very comforting. Everyone goes through this. Decisions. What road to take.
There are some other things that happened in my teens years I would rather not talk about because it’s too much of a touchy subject and it’s not something I feel that I want to go into detail on here.
Finally. 20 hits. I’m an adult. I thought that getting into my 20’s would be so much easier than being a kid or my teens. Something had to go right. Well, in some ways it did and other ways it didn’t. I was married for about 6 years. That was the toughest time. But, it has made me stronger. I really hated being married. Yes, there were good times, but that is a time period I would not want to relive. The good thing about this was I ended up with 3 amazing children who are my world. Of all the pain, looking at them makes me honestly believe that it was worth it.
I guess thinking of things like this make me look forward to my 30’s. I know that things will not be perfect, and I’m ok with that. I think the main thing that I look forward to is that I am dating an amazing guy who makes me feel complete in so many ways. He loves me and my kids which obviously is a plus. I look forward spending my life with him and learning things from him everyday. I’m not happy with my ex and honestly, I still do have some negative feelings towards him, but I do hope that he can find someone that makes him as happy as my boyfriend makes me. Everyone deserves happiness. I hope that he straightens out because he has 3 kids that he is still responsible for. He still has a life to live. He has had a ton of potential that he has decided to waste, but I hope that one of these days, he can find that potential and use it for making a life for himself.