You are currently browsing the monthly archive for July 2008.
Ok, one thing about my relationship is we aren’t really your typical couple who has a “song”, but I told him whether he likes it or not, I’m declaring that we have a song. We both are the biggest dorks and this song just suits us. We love Flight of the Conchords and this song gets us laughing hysterically. I know he thinks that I am a dork for declaring this our song out of all the songs out there, but I don’t care. He gets me.
When your a kid, you always think about being older because you think that when you are older, you have it all. Then as you get into your teens, you are torn from wanting to be a kid and wanting to be an adult. Then when you are finally an adult, you realize the responsibilities you have and wish that you were a kid again. I am 27. Honestly, I am excited to get into my 30’s. In some ways it scares me, but in others, I’m excited to progress. My soul feels older than my real age anyway.
As a kid, I went through more then what a lot of my friends have. But I did have some other friends that have been through more than me. But still, it was a difficult time because I felt that I had no direction. Family life was pretty tough. For me it was difficult to handle. My father decided to take his own life when I was 11. That made me into an adult in many ways, because I was forced to understand something that kids should not have to understand at that age. It wasn’t easy and anyone who really knows me knows what kind of toll that took on my growing up.
In my teens, I was the type where I kept to myself in many ways. I wasn’t really into partying. I liked staying home and drawing. That was my getaway. I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone and it was a true and deep way to get my feelings out on paper. By this time, I had more deaths that I had to deal with and the majority of them was due to suicide. I had the most amazing friends and they never pushed the issue on me. Being in my teens was extremely difficult and I didn’t know what ways to turn. I know that every teen goes through that so knowing that I’m not the only one, is very comforting. Everyone goes through this. Decisions. What road to take.
There are some other things that happened in my teens years I would rather not talk about because it’s too much of a touchy subject and it’s not something I feel that I want to go into detail on here.
Finally. 20 hits. I’m an adult. I thought that getting into my 20’s would be so much easier than being a kid or my teens. Something had to go right. Well, in some ways it did and other ways it didn’t. I was married for about 6 years. That was the toughest time. But, it has made me stronger. I really hated being married. Yes, there were good times, but that is a time period I would not want to relive. The good thing about this was I ended up with 3 amazing children who are my world. Of all the pain, looking at them makes me honestly believe that it was worth it.
I guess thinking of things like this make me look forward to my 30’s. I know that things will not be perfect, and I’m ok with that. I think the main thing that I look forward to is that I am dating an amazing guy who makes me feel complete in so many ways. He loves me and my kids which obviously is a plus. I look forward spending my life with him and learning things from him everyday. I’m not happy with my ex and honestly, I still do have some negative feelings towards him, but I do hope that he can find someone that makes him as happy as my boyfriend makes me. Everyone deserves happiness. I hope that he straightens out because he has 3 kids that he is still responsible for. He still has a life to live. He has had a ton of potential that he has decided to waste, but I hope that one of these days, he can find that potential and use it for making a life for himself.
So, I finally subscribed to Facebook. The only reason why is because one of my friends has been asking me to so I figured, what the heck….So I signed up and wow….. it was a panic attack waiting to happen. I never really was into a lot of people at school. I mean, I had my circle of friends and that’s what I liked. After I got my profile set up and ready, I browsed to see who else was on there. I found so many people that I went to school with and it seriously sent a shiver down my spine. Don’t get me wrong, there were people on there who are the sweetest ever and others I didn’t even know or remember, but the whole idea of High School made me throw up a little in my mouth. I know that for a lot of people it was great. I actually went to two High Schools. The first one was horrible and I vowed that I wouldn’t even go to any High School reunion’s. The second High School was amazing. Amazing teachers, people, everything. Doesn’t mean that I still feel at ease with it. Those were the most horrific awkward years and I have to say that I am really enjoying the adult life much more than High School. Not that 6 years of my life was peaches and cream, but currently I am enjoying it very much. I have 3 amazing kids, and a boyfriend that is just as amazing. I don’t think this is something I would ever want to pause just to go back to that life. I have had horrible things happen in High School and really, it’s just too painful to run into someone to bring that up.
I wasn’t the type that got picked on. I was too angry for that and honestly, people left me alone thank goodness. I just had something taken away from me that and I prefer to leave that in my past.
Sooooo…….anywho……I really gotta say, things rock now. I have come a long way of everything that I have had to experience and in a lot of ways, I feel that I have a 40 year old soul. This has built a lot of character and really, I wouldn’t change a thing.