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This is me and my daughter Rylie. She looks like a little gnome!
I was trying to experiment with lighting. My camera just bites.
We were having so much fun at Thomas the train ride! There was a little boy who saw my pink hair and thought that it was the coolest. Then he told me how hot I was. LOL!!! He was 3!!
My boys were so excited as well!
Ty wanted his picture taken so bad with me. I was just exhausted from work.
Me and Derek at my daughters party
Rylie’s 2nd birthday. *sniff* so big…
I don’t really care if anyone is amused by these pictures or not, but some very dear frends wanted me to post some on here so here’s to you! 
You know who you are!
When I think of endurance, usually the first thing that comes to mind is the shirt that Napolean Dynamite wore that said endurance. It makes me laugh everytime. But on a serious note, how much endurance can a person go through before they actually feel that they are going to break?
I just found out that my brother and his wife are getting a divorce. I’m not going to lie, it hit me very hard and I did not take it lightly. They have been married for 11 years and they are one of those couples that just seem to mesh in every way. I am sure they have endured through a lot and just felt that it was time to move on. As much as it’s hard to see this, I believe that everything happens for a reason and they know what they are doing.
I understand the whole divorce thing. Especially when kids are involved. It’s not easy, but sometimes it’s just one of those things that just has to be done. After so much time of enduring through the marriage and you both realize there is no progression, that’s when you feel it’s time to say enough’s enough. It’s not fair to you or your kids to drag things out when there is nothing left. I wish that I could say that I was lucky to still be friends with my ex, but I don’t think I would want to if I could. Unfortunately he is one of those people that seem to drag you down and then everything else in your life spirals out of control. Luckily my brother and his soon-to-be-ex-wife are still friends. I don’t want to know why they are getting divorced. I want to base my opinions on my own with what I experience with them.
Life is full of surprises. Sometimes it’s such a pain in the neck to keep enduring with all of this crap that seems to pop up, but this is what makes you who you are. This builds your character and even though it doesn’t seem like it now, in a few years you will see the person that you have become. Good or bad.
When your a kid, you always think about being older because you think that when you are older, you have it all. Then as you get into your teens, you are torn from wanting to be a kid and wanting to be an adult. Then when you are finally an adult, you realize the responsibilities you have and wish that you were a kid again. I am 27. Honestly, I am excited to get into my 30’s. In some ways it scares me, but in others, I’m excited to progress. My soul feels older than my real age anyway.
As a kid, I went through more then what a lot of my friends have. But I did have some other friends that have been through more than me. But still, it was a difficult time because I felt that I had no direction. Family life was pretty tough. For me it was difficult to handle. My father decided to take his own life when I was 11. That made me into an adult in many ways, because I was forced to understand something that kids should not have to understand at that age. It wasn’t easy and anyone who really knows me knows what kind of toll that took on my growing up.
In my teens, I was the type where I kept to myself in many ways. I wasn’t really into partying. I liked staying home and drawing. That was my getaway. I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone and it was a true and deep way to get my feelings out on paper. By this time, I had more deaths that I had to deal with and the majority of them was due to suicide. I had the most amazing friends and they never pushed the issue on me. Being in my teens was extremely difficult and I didn’t know what ways to turn. I know that every teen goes through that so knowing that I’m not the only one, is very comforting. Everyone goes through this. Decisions. What road to take.
There are some other things that happened in my teens years I would rather not talk about because it’s too much of a touchy subject and it’s not something I feel that I want to go into detail on here.
Finally. 20 hits. I’m an adult. I thought that getting into my 20’s would be so much easier than being a kid or my teens. Something had to go right. Well, in some ways it did and other ways it didn’t. I was married for about 6 years. That was the toughest time. But, it has made me stronger. I really hated being married. Yes, there were good times, but that is a time period I would not want to relive. The good thing about this was I ended up with 3 amazing children who are my world. Of all the pain, looking at them makes me honestly believe that it was worth it.
I guess thinking of things like this make me look forward to my 30’s. I know that things will not be perfect, and I’m ok with that. I think the main thing that I look forward to is that I am dating an amazing guy who makes me feel complete in so many ways. He loves me and my kids which obviously is a plus. I look forward spending my life with him and learning things from him everyday. I’m not happy with my ex and honestly, I still do have some negative feelings towards him, but I do hope that he can find someone that makes him as happy as my boyfriend makes me. Everyone deserves happiness. I hope that he straightens out because he has 3 kids that he is still responsible for. He still has a life to live. He has had a ton of potential that he has decided to waste, but I hope that one of these days, he can find that potential and use it for making a life for himself.
So, I finally subscribed to Facebook. The only reason why is because one of my friends has been asking me to so I figured, what the heck….So I signed up and wow….. it was a panic attack waiting to happen. I never really was into a lot of people at school. I mean, I had my circle of friends and that’s what I liked. After I got my profile set up and ready, I browsed to see who else was on there. I found so many people that I went to school with and it seriously sent a shiver down my spine. Don’t get me wrong, there were people on there who are the sweetest ever and others I didn’t even know or remember, but the whole idea of High School made me throw up a little in my mouth. I know that for a lot of people it was great. I actually went to two High Schools. The first one was horrible and I vowed that I wouldn’t even go to any High School reunion’s. The second High School was amazing. Amazing teachers, people, everything. Doesn’t mean that I still feel at ease with it. Those were the most horrific awkward years and I have to say that I am really enjoying the adult life much more than High School. Not that 6 years of my life was peaches and cream, but currently I am enjoying it very much. I have 3 amazing kids, and a boyfriend that is just as amazing. I don’t think this is something I would ever want to pause just to go back to that life. I have had horrible things happen in High School and really, it’s just too painful to run into someone to bring that up.
I wasn’t the type that got picked on. I was too angry for that and honestly, people left me alone thank goodness. I just had something taken away from me that and I prefer to leave that in my past.
Sooooo…….anywho……I really gotta say, things rock now. I have come a long way of everything that I have had to experience and in a lot of ways, I feel that I have a 40 year old soul. This has built a lot of character and really, I wouldn’t change a thing.
Wow, I didn’t even realize how long it’s been since I’ve been on here. I finally have a chance tonight to have a little get away. Well, not really. My little ones are doing there own thing so I figured, meh, may as well. A lot has been going on lately, but I’m not really much of going into detail as torturous as that may be. It’s not my style to reveal little details of really personal things and I don’t want to end up saying something I shouldn’t. Or do I?? As tempting as that may be, I won’t. First off, I can’t believe how deprived you feel when you haven’t been on the internet. I don’t want to admit that it’s a serious sign of addiction, but since I live in the day and age of technology, I can’t help but feel a need for them. Even if it is going online. Hey, when you are home with 3 kids, you can’t really go out much so going online is like “going out”. It gives you this need of fulfillment of the outside world when currently the only outside world I get is work. Not that that is a bad thing. There are plenty of fun and interesting things going on at work. Like trying to bribe my co-workers to eat my Reeses Pieces with me so I don’t feel guilty for downing that bag. Share the guilt right?
I seriously feel so much better meeting up with my old friend, the internet. It has been too long my friend and I apologize for my absence. I promise that I will be a better friend and come here more often. Wow….I must be tired. Or it’s because my kids are watching “Pingu” and it’s making me delusional……
For those who don’t know too much about my personal life, you will probably be lost in this post. But if you still enjoy it, than good I guess. But anyone with half a brain will pretty much get what I’m saying and what this is about. my intentions here are not to bad mouth anyone, but if I start venting, I am not going to name name’s because I am not here for slandering. I could if I really wanted to and yes, I could get really mean, but I am not like that. The person that this is towards to probably doesn’t even know about this site and probably has never been on here. But if this person happens to run across here, good for you.
I know that you think you are doing so much better than I am, but you are so far from the truth. I find it sad that you feel you have the need to make me look like the one who is failing when it is YOU that chose to go the other route. You have no idea how hard I have been working to heal myself from all the damage that you have done. I really don’t care even if you did have an idea. You can continue to live in that sick little world of yours and think that everything you “supposedly” know is right. I don’t care. You know why? Because I am making something out of myself. I have a job that I am doing incredibly well at and if you knew how much I was making, boy, blood would be boiling and I would secretly enjoy that. I was able to get out of enough debt to get a new car. BY MYSELF! I am a good mother dammit and I don’t really give a rats ass if you think I am or not. Your past does not erase everything that has happened. I know people make mistakes. I hope one of these days you will be big enough to pull your head out of your ass and realize that people can overcome from their mistakes, grow up and move on. i wish that you would grow up and stop blaming me for YOUR mistakes. Yes, there is a lot of bitterness. but I don’t let that rule my life. I have a lot to live for and 3 lives that depend on me. We are best friends and living our life to the fullest. I am able to provide for them in ways that you never can or will. I hope that one of these days you will grow up, be responsible and be part of their lives. They deserve to have the best of both worlds. I am happy for you that you found someone. REALLY. I hope you have learned from your mistakes and treat her better than you treated me. I hope that she brings out the best in you because everyone deserves happiness. Be good to her. Despite what you think, I work my butt off for these kids to give them the necessesities of life. And more. Because they deserve it. I love them more than you would ever know or even comprehend. I don’t care if you believe me or not. Your opinion of me does not matter. This post is to merely get my thoughts out. I mean, that is the whole point of blogging. Good luck to you.
And Leave me alone.
I love seeing those smiles of yours as I walk in the door after a long day at work…..
I love the feeling of your little arms wrapped tightly around my neck……..
I love hearing the excitement in your voices as soon as our eyes meet……
I love knowing that no matter how rough my day is, I can depend on you to make it all better just by being near me………
I love our times together……
I love how you can easily bring a tear of joy out of me with the cute little things you say…….
I love that you love me too…..
I love you Ty, Micah, and Rylie!
This isn’t going to apply to many people. In fact, many of you will wonder why the hell that I’m writing this and not stating who I’m referring it to. For one, it may apply to many of my loved ones who know what is going on. But I prefer to keep it to myself of who this really is going to. For one, they would probably beat me for embarrassing them; second, does it really matter? I’ll have them read this and that’s all that really matters to me………….
I want to tell you thank you. You will never know how purely grateful I am for someone like you to exist. Thank you for listening to me. Comforting me. Making me laugh, ALL THE TIME! Thank you for all of your advice and also for the times you just listen. Not judging me. For being my light in all this darkness around. You are my rock. I want to thank you most of all, for loving me. You are such an incredible person and seriously, if it isn’t for you now, I would be so lost. You are one of the coolest people I know. I really appreciate you always checking in on me and making sure that everything is running smoothly. It’s so calming to me knowing that I can always depend on you for support with all of this shit going on. Thanks for not giving up on me. Oh and because I’m pouring out my heart and soul, I’m expecting a night watching movies while munching on a huge ass tray of Chik-Fil-A nuggets.
Oh and one more thing…..tell mini Hitler I said shove it.
Yum!!! Talk about pure joy. She didn’t waste one drop of it. She ate it much better than the boys did. Maybe they need to learn a lesson about not wasting Ice cream………………………
