Evil evil medicine

I know that I owe some pictures and stories about California, but something scary happened to me last week that has pushed it all back. It’s also going to take a few for me to get the pics from my camera onto here. That will be my next goal. For now I’ll talk about how I was basically starving and was dehydrated for about two weeks or so. I can’t remember exactly. These past few weeks have been horrible.
So I got on some medicine for ADHD and depression. I was put on Straterra and Depakote. Usually I don’t have bad side effects to medicine, but holy cow this stuff is definitely NOT good for me. Straterra makes you lose your appetite. That was pretty tough on me because anyone that knows me knows how much I LOVE FOOD. I get teased all the time about how I should weigh 800 punds because of how much food I can shovel in this mouth. So basically I was getting to the point where I was only eating once a day. If that. It sucked. And when I was in Disneyland I hardly ate. That’s one of the best things about going there is for food.

Ya. I was mad.

Depakote was making me naseous. It wasn’t until a week and a half after being on the medicine that I got really sick. I started to puke everyday without control. What was worse, I wasn’t able to eat much so it was like I was puking up nothing. I tried to drink as much as I could, but apparently it wasn’t good enough. After a week of throwing up everyday, this last Friday was the day it really hit me that something was seriously wrong. I was literally throwing up all morning long. I started to throw up blood. Instant panic spread, but I still made myself go to work. I didn’t want to abandon my boss because it was just us two and I felt it was my duty to at least show up. I tried to work, but I kept throwing up in the garbage.
Yuck,

After an hour my boss showed up. He didn’t really look at me while he was coming in, just talking. Finally he looked over at me and I said, “I think I need to go to the Instacare. I’m throwing up blood.” I felt so bad because you could tell that it was processing through his head what I just said.

Then everything started to go fast. We got someone to watch the phones and he took me to a local Instacare. Of course they figured that I was dehydrated and what not and ended up putting me on two liters of the IV drip. And you know after all of this, I still tried to go back to work.

Gotta love medicine. I wonder if anyone else has gone through this with this kind of medicine. I mean, I’m sure they have if not worse, but that was so horrible to even experience. I know that it scared everyone including me. I didn’t even care about being chastized by my doctor. I wasn’t staying on that crap anymore.

At least 3 days after being in the instacare, I’m finally getting my appetite back.

And anyone that knows me knows how happy I am about that!

Oh ya….anyone who is into seafood, let your mouth water!!! I know mine is…….

I don’t care what you think!

For those who don’t know too much about my personal life, you will probably be lost in this post. But if you still enjoy it, than good I guess. But anyone with half a brain will pretty much get what I’m saying and what this is about. my intentions here are not to bad mouth anyone, but if I start venting, I am not going to name name’s because I am not here for slandering. I could if I really wanted to and yes, I could get really mean, but I am not like that. The person that this is towards to probably doesn’t even know about this site and probably has never been on here. But if this person happens to run across here, good for you.

I know that you think you are doing so much better than I am, but you are so far from the truth. I find it sad that you feel you have the need to make me look like the one who is failing when it is YOU that chose to go the other route. You have no idea how hard I have been working to heal myself from all the damage that you have done. I really don’t care even if you did have an idea. You can continue to live in that sick little world of yours and think that everything you “supposedly” know is right. I don’t care. You know why? Because I am making something out of myself. I have a job that I am doing incredibly well at and if you knew how much I was making, boy, blood would be boiling and I would secretly enjoy that. I was able to get out of enough debt to get a new car. BY MYSELF! I am a good mother dammit and I don’t really give a rats ass if you think I am or not. Your past does not erase everything that has happened. I know people make mistakes. I hope one of these days you will be big enough to pull your head out of your ass and realize that people can overcome from their mistakes, grow up and move on. i wish that you would grow up and stop blaming me for YOUR mistakes.  Yes, there is a lot of bitterness. but I don’t let that rule my life. I have a lot to live for and 3 lives that depend on me. We are best friends and living our life to the fullest. I am able to provide for them in ways that you never can or will. I hope that one of these days you will grow up, be responsible and be part of their lives. They deserve to have the best of both worlds. I am happy for you that you found someone. REALLY. I hope you have learned from your mistakes and treat her better than you treated me. I hope that she brings out the best in you because everyone deserves happiness. Be good to her. Despite what you think, I work my butt off for these kids to give them the necessesities of life. And more. Because they deserve it. I love them more than you would ever know or even comprehend. I don’t care if you believe me or not. Your opinion of me does not matter. This post is to merely get my thoughts out. I mean, that is the whole point of blogging. Good luck to you.
And Leave me alone.

Very Theraputic

Ok, I’m not going to lie. I have been having a hard time lately. But I am not one of those people who actually have the guts to be able to go into details with their depression, (Seriously, I give you guys props. That’s just not something that I can bring myself to do. I already feel like I am crazy and I really don’t have the courage to express that.) But I have to say, I love Nintendo. I have been playing Super Mario Bros. on my DS everyday when I come home from work. I can’t believe how much relaxation runs through my veins when I play that. I feel that some parents need to back off on their kids when they play with their Nintendo or Playstation or whatever they may have. The get so angry with their children playing video games because they feel it is a “waste of time.” Well, maybe what you do to relax is a waste of time to us gamers. Of course, the kids should not go and kill their parents off or literally beat them because they get grounded or something. That’s BS. Do your damn chores or homework and EARN the right to play your games.
Any who, normally I draw to get all of the stress out that I have been dealing with lately. Sometimes it’s nice to have a break and do something new to relax in the craziness world that we live in. The best part is every time I play with my DS; my kids come and snuggle up to me to watch. As I keep failing this stupid level that I have been trying to pass for the last couple days, there they are rooting mom on to keep trying and kill Bowser. Talk about working as a team. It’s funny when my boys start getting out of control and overly hyper, I can always bring out my DS and in a blink of an eye, and there they are by my side eager to watch mommy kill Mario over and over again. (I never said that I was that good. Sure it takes me15 times to pass a level, but I don’t care……)

By day, I have to be the responsible adult and make sure that people at my job are taken care of. At night, it’s nice to be a 10 year old again having your best friends be right there with you.